In Memory Of Beautiful Lola

by Mary
(NC, USA)

Lola came to me in November 2006 along with her little brother "Billy".
They was two little FEISTY little 6 week old ferals who was found trying to survive a cold Michigan winter in an old garage.

I was operating my own rescue facility at that time and it was not our normal procedure to take in ferals but these two little kittens needed help and I could not say no.
Socializing these two was a painful, bloody task for the first two years of their life. They hissed, spat, bit and scratched the blood out of me every time I tried to handle them but I was determined to socialize these babies if it took me years.

Billy socialized easy and by the time he was 2 1/2 years old, he was living in my home as a calm housecat. Lola was not so trusting! Still ever feisty and VERY un-trusting, I allowed her to live in my home and kept trying to win her over.
Last year right before her third birthday she FINALLY allowed me to pick her up.

After that, she gradually drew herself to me and up on my lap and finally became a true mama's girl. I adored this little girl as I had put 4 years of my life into teaching her to trust me. It finally paid off and this last year I have spent many wonderful moments with this little ONCE WILDCAT on my lap purring in peaceful sleep.

She was my little sweet LOLA and she loved me to sing to her (although I cannot carry a tune)! Every night at bedtime, I would go to turn out the lights and I would call out "C,mon Lo Lo " (Lo Lo was her nick name.) Pronounced LOW LOW
Out of the darkness in the house she would come a running and pounce onto my chest in the bed and settle down to sleep right there.

This past Friday night, I was trying to spend time with my Rocky (whose health was rapidly declining, and who was going to the vet the next morning) when I heard a loud thump on the kitchen floor.
When I went to investigate, I found my Lola there in the kitchen dragging her hind legs behind her and no control of them at all.

She apparently had fallen off the kitchen counter and injured herself badly.
Upon trying to handle her I seen she was NOT in pain but had no feeling in her hind legs at all so I called the vet.
He said if she dont appear to be suffering then to wait and bring her into his office along with Rocky the next morning and we would see what her condition was.

On Saturday morning this past weekend, I took them BOTH (Rocky and LOLA) into the vets office. Scared to death of losing Rocky to severe arthritis and more scared that Lola would be paralyzed for life.
Rocky was seen first. The diagnosis was not good.
Rocky had Intestinal Cancer and severe arthritis and was suffering terribly.
I was then told that my sweet Rocky was not 7 yrs old as I had been led to believe but rather was 16 years old! He was declining fast and suffering.
There was no decision to make.
I had to assist him to cross the rainbow bridge into a pain free life that he deserved. It crushed me and I am weeping uncontrollably as I type this as I cannot stand not having him here but he is no longer suffering and that is what was important. I did what had to be done for him as he was old and his time to depart was upon me. I had to let go.

But LOLA was only 4 years old. I had HUGE hopes of finding out that she would recover from this fall and I would take her home to recover and care for her for many years to come. However this was not the case.
Upon completing her examination we found that Lola had a tumor on her spine and it had been there maybe since she was a small kitten.
It was not something that was noticeable and she never appeared to be in pain or discomfort. But when she fell from the counter, a blood clot occurred on her spine close to the tumor and the fall severed a nerve that carried movement to her hind legs and tail.

Alas, my Lola was not only NEVER going to walk again but would never have bowel or bladder control and the tumor would eventually kill her. Her quality of life was gone and she would merely exist and she would be totally dependent on a human to express her bladder around the clock and to clean up her bowel leakage for life.

Again, I was told by the vet that I had a decision to make on Lola's behalf and he left me with her alone to make the final decision. I picked up my little once feisty girl and held her in my arms as I walked about the vets exam room and we had a heart to heart talk. I told her that my heart was broken that she lost use of her legs at the tender age of 4 years old.
I told her how unfair it seemed to me for her and that if I could take her place I would do so without argument.

I cried and begged her to show me a sign that she really could walk and this wasnt real. I put her down on the floor and walked away from her and called to her and she quickly began dragging herself across the floor to my held out hands.
As I picked her up I was crying so hard I could not breathe.
And poor little brave Lola nuzzled her face close to mine and licked away at my tears. Her eyes was wide and vibrant and then I seen she was at peace with what had to be done. Here she was, paralyzed and unable to walk and SHE was trying to comfort ME!!!!! This was who Lola was. she and I had a bond and she had learned to trust me when she would not trust any other human.
Now it was my time to TRUST HER.

I cradled her in my arms and asked her:
Lola, Tell me what to do because I so do not want to say goodbye to you or let you go. Please tell me what I should do.
At that moment, Lola laid her little head over on my arm and closed her eyes.
She was sleepy and was I believe trying to tell me she was ready to go and be with Rocky, Callie, Salem, and Snickers across the Rainbow Bridge.

She showed me a true heroic peace and I had to trust her and let go.
I held her about 30 more minutes in my arms as she slept quietly and then called the vet in to do what he must do.
He injected her with a sedative then allowed her to drift off into a deep sleep before the final euthanasia drug was administered.

Before she crossed the Bridge I told her once again how beautiful she was and how I had loved her and every minute with her in the last four years was a joy for me.
I promised to take good care of her brother Billy and to help him adjust to her need to cross over so soon. I held her close as she drifted away and I wept into her fur, wishing I could have her back just for one more minute but she was gone and I was confident that she WALKED on those cute little legs right through heavens gate to meet Callie, Snickers, Salem and now Rocky.

The vet felt terrible for me. He told me that in his entire profession , he had NEVER had to put down two family pets in the same family in the same morning.
He hugged me and told me to stay as long as I needed to and compose myself.
His assistant prepared Lola and Rocky's body's in nice little coffins and bought them to me to take to my cremation center as I choose to have my cats cremated and keep their urns with me forever.

As I got into my car, I looked at the two little coffins and I lost it right there.
I sat in my car for 45 minutes crying my eyes out wanting this to be a dream and begging God to give my precious pets back to me and to let me wake up and find Lola and Rocky was still with me.

I then realized something VERY important.
They was NEVER mine to keep. They was always God's creatures and he appointed me as their guardian here on earth and blessed me with their presence in my home for a time until he seen it was time to bring them back to their heavenly home.

I then felt proud and blessed that he allowed ME (A nobody) to care for two wonderful pets that he created. I then was thankful that he trusts me enough that he allows me to take care of some of his cats when they need a human helping hand on earth. I then thanked him for choosing me as a RESCUER and promised to go home and continue the work that he has selected me to do.

I went home after dropping their body's off to be cremated, and I sat down and hugged and kissed each and every one of my remaining precious cats.
I also took little Billy aside (Lola's brother) and explained to him that Lola had to go home and that he would not be alone as I would always be here to love and care for him. He licked my cheek and scampered down out of my arms and off to play with his other cat house mates as if he understood.

It has been almost 48 hours now since I had to say goodbye to Rocky and Lola.
I'd be telling a lie if I said it is any easier because it isn't. Life around here will not be the same without the little things that they was famous for doing.
Their absence is VERY noticeable.

The other cats seem to know that things are different too.
They have all been SLEEPING and behaving like good kittys all day.
I guess they sense that I am devastated and crushed and my grief is severe.
Everywhere I walk or look, I break down because they are missing and no longer here.

Will I survive this?
Yes, I will have to because there are other cats who need me and love me and I am devoted to them equally. Even though my heart is broken and even though I feel enormous loss tonight, deep in my chest beats the heart of a Cat Rescuer and all of my rescued cats that have crossed the bridge will expect me to continue to do what I do in their honor.
Tonight I will cry myself to sleep wishing Lola and Rocky was here and in the morning I will be back at it, scooping litter boxes and filling water bowls and re-filling food dishes. I will be cuddling cats and giving all that I can to them as they are dependent on me.

But alas, in the silent moments of my day, there is the ever sweet faces of my dear Lola and Rocky who will live on forever in my heart.

Rest in Peace my precious babies.
Sadly missed by Mama (Mary in Nc) and all the remaining feline family.

Mama (Mary in NC, USA)