Losing My Dear J.J
by Mary
(North Carolina)
J.J in his better day's
He was a feral cat who roamed the wooded hillside behind my home in North Carolina.
I would see him lurking about at the edge of the woods, seeking whatever food he could find. He was a hefty (about 14 pounds) cat with a beautiful buff color.
He was of course an UN-NEUTERED MALE who I am certain fathered many litters of kittens who also roamed that wooded hillside.
I made him and some of the other ferals a sheltered feeding station just inside one of my outside storage buildings so that he and the others had a safe place to come and find food when hungry.
I also lined the building with Hay for them to have a warm place to sleep during the chilly and cold day's and nights.
J.J came daily for almost a year, to eat his fill of fresh food and water then wandered off into the woods again. Some nights I would see him slip into the sheltered building and sleep there.
He was feral and would NOT allow me to get even close to him but I grew to love him just the same.
I went to the building daily to replenish the food and water and I would see him sitting at the edge of the trees watching for me to leave his food and walk away.
I yearned to befriend him and take this beautiful cat in but he was a true feral and would not come close.
One morning, I had went inside the building to leave food and water and something brushed against my leg. I looked down and there was J.J as if to say
"O.K here I am, I trust you so feed me".
It was that long awaited day that I first was allowed to pat his beautiful head without him running away. From that day on he wasn't afraid of me.
He would allow me to hold him in my arms for a few seconds which was a great accomplishment.
In November of 2009, I scooped him into my arms one morning and hustled him into my rescue building. I made him an appointment to be seen by the vet and vaccinated and ridded of fleas and parasites before bringing him into my home with my other cats.
He was neutered and vaccinated within a couple day's and then I bought him inside to join my feline family.
Poor J.J wasn't happy the first couple weeks. He walked the floors crying and begging to go outside, often sitting in windows and crying like a baby.
My heart went out to this cat who had never known anything other than living in the wild and seeing him yearn to go back out into that kind of life when I knew I could give him so much more.
Within two weeks he had made the adjustment to indoor living and all was good.
(Or so I thought)
His original Vet appointment went well and he was given a clean bill of health and estimated to be about maybe 5 years old.
I was happy that J.J and I would have a hopefully long life together.
Sadly, it was not to be.
In august on this year, I noticed J.J seemed to have lost some weight (not much but some) He ate like a horse and was full of energy so I had expected him to gain weight, NOT LOSE weight.
This concerned me so we went off to the vet for a check up.
The vet confirmed that J.J LOOKED fine and losing some of that 14 pounds was probably good for him but to play it safe, we decided to do blood work to see if thyroid was maybe responsible for his weight loss and we also decided to RE-TEST him for FIV (Feline AIDS) or Feluk (Feline Leukemia)
The results came back (My poor J.J had FIV!!!!!!!
I was devastated. His original test was negative but the vet said that sometimes the test is not accurate and all strays need to be re-tested every 3 to 6 months the first year to be safe.
In all my years of working with rescues I had NEVER had a FIV positive cat to come into my life. I had worked with them in shelters and knew about the disease and how it is obtained and I also knew that FIV is not always a death sentence for a cat.
MANY FIV + cats live long, quality lives with proper medical attention and care.
I considered this to be a blessing that God appointed me to care for and love this FIV + cat who had lived a difficult life in the woods as a feral.
We placed J.J on FIV meds and he appeared to do well. His appetite was great and his energy level was up there along with the healthy cats.
(YES, FIV positive cats can live with healthy cats and NOT infect them) as long as they do not fight and suffer deep bite woulds from the infected cat and J.J was NOT a fighter. He was just the opposite. Sweet and submissive.
After getting his FIV diagnosis in August of this year, I monitored him well and consigned myself to the fact that J.J would be one of the cats who lived a long life with FIV but unfortunately, he continued to lose weight and he was ravenous for food ALL THE TIME. So in September of this year we went back to the Dr to test again for the possibility of Thyroid disease and that's when the rest of the bad news came out. J.J had stomach cancer! My heart sunk.
The vet said he may live weeks, months but surely not a year.
I was heart broken. With the FIV virus in his system, chemotherapy was not a real option, he wasnt strong enough to fight and he was rapidly declining.
So, I took him home and treated him like a king and gave him tons of love and attention, all the while praying for a miracle that didn't come.
The diarrhea set in a month ago and his weight fell off rapidly.
As of 3 weeks ago he was down to 5 pounds of skin and bones but STILL frolicking about as if he was healthy. The vet told me this would not last long but my heart so wanted her to be wrong.
Then on Friday morning (Nov 12) this month, I knew J.J was in trouble.
He crawled onto my desk into his little heated bed and would drift into almost un-conscience sleep. I would nudge him to make sure he was still with me and he would open his eyes very weakly and lay back down.
He didn't even jump up and respond to the opening of a cat food can which was a sound he LOVED.
I knew this was his final hours.
I laid my head on his soft fur and wept as I was not ready to let him go.
I whispered to him " J.J please let me know if you need to go and I will help you)
He then opened his weak eyes and laid his paw against my cheek and fell off to sleep again. I knew it was his way of saying "please help me cross", It is time.
I called the vet and we went in for the final goodbye.
J.J slept the whole way to the vet in the car. Never lifting his head. He was too weak. When we got to the vet and in the examining room, the vet left me alone with him for a few minutes to say good bye.
I noticed a window in that room with the blinds drawn closed tight but I could see the warm sunshine beaming outside.
I walked over and raised the blinds and the most beautiful Ray of Sunshine came through that window and shown all over J.J
He immediately raised his head and opened his big yellow eyes and looked into that Ray of Sunshine as if he was once again a healthy cat.
He looked into that Sun Beam as if he was excited and energetic.
I hugged him and told him how much I loved him and told him to remember he would live on in my heart forever.
He was captivated by the Ray of Sunshine.
It was a sign. He was being called by his fellow felines that had gone on before him. They had his place prepared and he heard their calls.
A healthy, pain free life was waiting at the end of that Ray of Sunshine.
The vet came in and gave him a sedative and he drifted off to a peaceful sleep before the final injection was given.
My J.J is now gone from me in body but lives on forever in my heart.
I am confident he is frolicking in fields of flowers, \chasing butterflies along with Callie, Baby, Salem, Snickers, Ozzy, Lola and Rocky (All of whom I have lost in the last 16 months).
Yes, my heart aches for them but they are happy and healthy again and I am happy for that. Having and caring for J.J has given me a whole new perspective on the care of FIV Positive cats. These cats are difficult to adopt out because people are afraid of the disease but they also deserve a loving home and a family.
Because of J.J, I will continue to rescue FIV cats if I am called on to do so.
He taught me so much and left me with beautiful memories and a ton of knowledge.
He is sadly missed.
Rest in Peace My Sweet J.J
Mary in NC
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